7 Shakespearean Insults To Swear By

1. mONDAY (bLOG)

The great ‘Bard of Avon’ has been undisputedly declared the ‘greatest playwright of all times’, apart from numerous other titles bestowed upon him that seal the deal for his unchallengeable position. Often credited with inventing over 1700 common English words, the world has been in awe of the bard even after 400 years of his death. But this cheeky little (not exactly old; he was 52 when he died) master of words had a hidden talent. He could come up with such great insults that could put all the modern swear words to shame. Well crafted, choicest of words strung together like pearls that fit a necklace, these insults had the power to leave the listeners gasping and the one to whom they were directed red-faced. They were accepted whole-heartedly and were extremely popular. And, fortunately (or not) they haven’t lost a bit of their sheen. They still carry subtle rudeness mixed with class. So, we’ve brought some choicest of Shakespearean insults that you could use next time you want to go @#$&#.

  1. I’ll beat thee, but I would infect my hands: Easy to say (finally!) and comprehend, this simple yet powerful line can help you get out of a physical fight in a classy manner. Tell them they are too infectious to lay hands on them.

  2. Thou sodden-witted lord! Thou hast no more brain than I have in mine elbows: The juxtaposition of thoughtfully chosen words that convey that the ‘lord’ is indeed sodden-witted! Then follow it up with a comment on the size of the brain. Bravo!

  3. Poisonous bunch-backed toad: This is a brutual one. Imagine being a toad and that too with a bunch. Not too classy but quite creative, we’d say. No person would have ever compared one to a toad.

  4. The rankest compound of villainous smell that ever offended nostril: In short, you’re telling them that they stink terribly. We’re not sure if this one would do the trick. Though you would have uttered vile words, your arch enemy would take a lot of time to grasp and decipher what just conversed.

  5. Away, you starveling, you elf-skin, you dried neat’s-tongue, bull’s-pizzle, you stock-fish: This little gem has five times the vile that any other insult would have. It will take you a lot of time to memorize this one.

  6. You scullion! You rampallian! You fustilarian! I’ll tickle your catastrophe: Now, we don’t know what this sentence heavily loaded with expletives means but we can surely guess that it’s something no one would wish to encounter.

  7. Thou whoreson zed, thou unnecessary letter: A take on z or zed which was dropped from the Latin alphabet, Shakespeare moulded it to suit the situation. But imagine being reduced to a “letter” and that too an “unnecessary” one!

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